On Honorifics

or, Call Me Comrade

Just for a change, I thought I’d write something non-political. Shocking, I know. I do think about things other than politics though, and today I’m thinking about honorifics. Apparently I really do need a life.

A new client entered my office today, and addressed me as Mrs. I’m not married, and I admit that I felt a bit offended by this honorific. I mean, how old do I look? Of course, I wouldn’t accept being called Miss either. If you must use an honorific, please call me Ms. I find it inappropriate to use any form of address that denotes a woman’s marital status. You’d never use one for a man. Besides, it’s none of your damn business whether or not I’m married.

Because I didn’t have much else to do, I reflected further on the subject. While I much prefer being addressed as Ms than by any honorific that denotes my marital status, I’m suddenly wondering why a form of address needs to denote a person’s gender. By using honorifics that differentiate between men and women we’re indicating that a person’s gender is somehow important. Seriously, why could gender possibly matter? In any situation formal enough to require an honorific, a person’s gender probably isn’t – or shouldn’t be - important. I mean, if you’re asking someone out you’re probably going to use their first name. Honorifics are usually used to show respect, or even deference, and men and women deserve the same respect. So, why do we use different honorifics?

There are other, more specialized honorifics, generally used to denote occupation or educational level attained. Common examples would be Doctor, Professor, and Reverend. I regularly employ these kinds of honorifics, as I was brought up in a proper home and taught to always address people with the proper level of respect that they deserve. I would never address anyone warranting one of these titles in an informal manner. However, as I reflect on this lesson, I wonder: why address someone with a greater degree of respect based on their occupation or education? There’s no question that a title like Doctor or Professor is more prestigious than Mr or Ms. But why accord greater respect to someone just because they had the opportunity to achieve a high educational level? Not everyone has that chance, and I don’t believe that it’s right to act more deferentially toward someone with an MD or PhD than toward a janitor or taxi driver. However, the use of different honorifics seems to only reinforce class differences.

I always prefer to be addressed by my first name (and please, don’t call me honey, sweetheart, or darling unless you know me really well). However, if you insist upon calling me by my family name, then I think that Comrade would be an appropriate honorific. Think about it – it’s completely egalitarian. There’s no differentiation based on gender, marital status, occupation, or level of education. It’s perfect. Well, almost – the word has certain connotations, and I certainly couldn’t imagine using this honorific for everyone. If I ran into the Prime Minister tomorrow, it would be pretty difficult to call him Comrade Harper. I guess, because I can’t think of any appropriate egalitarian honorific, I’d have to call him Stephen. I think that’s fair.

I definitely think that first names are the best type of informal address. Still, if you feel you must address me formally or want to use an honorific, please call me Comrade.